The Akatsuki!
by Quasiperfection
Summary: A series of random stories featuring the Akatsuki.
1. The Akatsuki & Laundry Day

**The Akatsuki & Laundry Day!!!!**

---

Pain walked into the room carrying two huge bags filled with something smelling god awful!

"I am sick and tired of cleaning up your messes," he ranted. "I am the leader, I shouldn't be the one doing this."

He scowled as he walked over to Zetsu, waving an article of clothing in his face. "Who's fault is this?" he said, pointing at the blood stains.

"What, I was hungry." Zetsu tried to play the inocent act.

"Well you can atleast try and chew with your mouth closed." he sighed. "God, its gonna take forever to get these stains out. You could atleast help me!"

Zetsu looked down at his body. "I have no arms." he bluntly stated.

Pain decided it would be "fairer" to direct his rage on someone else. "I'm sick of this! Itachi, you take care of this." He threw the sack of laundry at Itachi, causing the Uchiha to fall over.

Kisame ran over to him. "Oh my poor Ita-kun. I'll help you with the smelly unmentionables!"

"Don't be such a pussy, yeah," Dei sneared.

"You could help out, too." he scoffed, flinging a pair of underwear at the bully. "I believe these are yours."

"You're nasty." Deidara's gaze fell on Kakuzu, who was sitting on the couch eagerly counting his money. "You gonna join us, Kakuzu?"

"No!" he almost yelled, hiding his money behind his back.

Everyone just stared at him blankly for a moment. Dei finally broke the silence. "Ok then...Well, I'm not gonna be stuck with them two. I need atleast one more person to come."

He walked over to the bedroom and opened the door. "Hey, Hidan-" a kunei flew right next to his head.

"How many times have I told not to interupt me when I'm praying!" Hidan shouted.

Dei left the room, asap. "Now I still don't have someone to come with me, yeah."

"I'll got with you," said Tobi, defiantly.

"Tobi's a good boy!" cheered Zetsu.

---

"I hate laundry day," Itachi whined. "Why do we have to go to the fucking laundry mat?"

"Cuz Sasori broke the last one, yeah," Dei reminded him. "That stoner thought it was a time portal or something. I don't know."

Kisame stared blankly. "Then why don't we just buy a new one?" he finally asked.

"Kakuzu hords all the money, yeah."

They continued walking until they finally made it to the laudry mat.

They chose a washer and dryer and began loading them up. Tobi soon noticed something. "Guys, we need money for this."

Itachi just rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, I'll get us some."

He left.

Peircing screams could be heard from outside the building. A few minutes later, Itachi walked back in, carrying handfulls of change.

"So do you guys want Downy or Woolite?"

---

A/N: woot! this'll be the first of many Akatsuki spoofs. It'll prolly end up being a series of one hits. But this all spun off of my first story with these guys: The Akatsuki make S'mores! So yeah, review!!!!


	2. The Akatsuki & Strip Poker

**The Akatsuki & Stip Poker!**

**---**

Deidara came storming into the room with a deck of cards in his hands. "Gather around losers, we're gonna play a little game, yeah."

Hidan's eyes widened as he looked at the playing deck. "Poker!?" he spat. "Gambling is a sin!!!"

"Yeah! I'm not wasting any money on your sinfulness," Kakuza chimed in, making it so obvious he was more worried about the cash.

Dei raised an eyebrow. "Its gonna be strip poker, yeah."

"I'm in!" Kakuzu cheered.

"That's adultry!" Hidan shunned. Kakuzu looked over to his partner. "You're a dumb ass."

"Heathens," Hidan replied and walked off to his room to go pray.

---

"Okay, everyone knows how to play, right? Five card draw, Aces wild." Pain said as he shuffled the cards. He looked around the room to see if anyone objected, going down the row; Itachi, Tobi, Deidara, Kisame, Sasori, and Kakuzu. He new the blue hair chick wouldn't join them, but he also saw that Zetsu was sitting off to the side.

"Zetsu, you don't want to play." Zetsu gazed up at him with a hurt look in his eyes. "How many times do I have to remind you guys that I don't have any arms?"

Everyone mumbled their apoligies.

"Just start it already," snapped Itachi. The cards were passed out. Everyone was trying to keep there best poker faces, except for Tobi.

With a big stupid grin, he burst out, "Oooo, Tobi's got three pretty ladies, and two leader guys." The others threw down there cards in anger.

Six black coats where tossed at the naive Tobi. "Tobi's a good boy!" Zetsu cried.

"Shut up!!" the losers yelled back at him.

---

Round two started up and so far Tobi was in the lead. Of course, Itachi wouldn't give in to defeat.

Using his Shaaringan to predict everyones mosves, he discovered that everyone except Tobi where going to draw new cards. So, using substitution, he made it so no one drew a card over the value of five. 'My three nines shoudl be enough to get by for this round. Tobi already had alot of high cards.' he thought.

"Okay, everyone ready to show there cards?" Kisame said, not getting rid of his poker face.

"I have three nines," Itachi showed the table while putting on an evil smirk. The others groaned and proceeded to take off there shirts.

"Not so fast, Itachi," Tobi cooed. "Tobi has four Aces!" Itachi scowled and took off his own shirt.

---

After a few more rounds, Tobi was still completely clothed. Unfortunately for the other players, they had been reduced to nothing but underwear. If Tobi won again, they would all lose.

Deidara picked up his hand. 'Only four eights, yeah' he thought. 'I might be able to trick Tobi.'

"Tobi's hand isn't that nice this time," Tobi sighed. Grins came across all the other's faces.

"Well I still know I've got nothing," groaned Sasori.

"I have two tens and two fives," Itachi smirked.

"Me too!!!" cheered Kisame. 'Yes! I'm still in the lead, yeah' Dei-kun silently cheered.

"You've got me beat, I only have three fours," sighed Kakuzu.

"Mines worse." Pain whined. "I only have a pair of three and a pair of twos."

Dei grinned. "Well, since Tobi already said his hand sucks, that must mean I win, yeah." He sould his cards.

"Yeah, that's much nicer than Tobi's," Tobi turned down his cards.

"What!? You have four Kings and a Jack!! How are my cards better."

Tobi pointed at his cards. "They all have yucky beards."

---

A/N: Hope you liked that one. I'm so mad at my story title. It's supposed to be "The Akatsuki&!". But oh well. Next up is "The Akatsuki & the Art Gallery."


	3. The Akatsuki & the Art Gallery

**The Akatsuki & the Art Gallery**

**---**

"Ah! I just love the art gallery!!" Deidara sighed. "The beauty! The wonder! The -"

"SMUGNESS!!" Kisame cut in.

"What did you say" Dei growled, raising a fist.

"N-Nothing," Kisame was shaking. 'Why must he be such a bully!'

"Come on guys, don't fight," Tobi cooed. "THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TOBI COMMANDS YOU!!"

"Shut up," Pain muttered under his breath as the group entered the museum.

Upon entering the building, Zetsu instantly ran over to the picture of a bowl of fruit. "I think I'm related to that apple!" he exclaimed as he touched it.

A security guard came up and tapped Zetsu on the shoulder. "You're not allowed to touch the p-" Zetsu bit his head off.

"ZETSU!!!!" the other members shouted.

"What?" he said. "That guy was being an A-hole!"

---

Deidara, Hidan, and Kakuzu separated from the group.

Deidara walked up to "Scream" and gazed apon it in aw. "Now this is truly a miraculous piece of artwork, yeah."

"Psh!" Hidan rolled his eyes at this comment. "How can that be considered art? It's almost satanic! There's no religious aspects to that AT ALL!!"

"Quit being such a dumb ass," Kakuzu said. "You really need to just shut up!"

---

Kisame and Itachi went off on their own.

"This is so boring!!" Itachi whined. "Why'd Dei have to drag us here?"

Kisame put his arms around his partner's shoulders. "Its not that bad."

"Yes it is," he sobbed. Kisame had no idea what to do.

"Well then..let's solve this problem," Kisame winked suggestively.

---

Flames raged threw out the museum. The embers burning like the pits of hell.

His team members looked apon him with horror in their eyes. The Uchiha just stood there, content with his handywork.

"Oh my god!!! Itachi what did you do," Deidara said threw tears.

"Don't use God's name in vain!!" shouted Hidan

Kisame turned to him and scoffed. "I don't think now is the time!"

Itachi wouldn't answer any other their questions. He just sat there, applauding himself in his mind.

The owner of the musuem walked over. "Ok!! One of you is going to have to pay for this!!!!!!"

All eyes fell on Kakuzu.

He gulped. "How much is this going cost?" he asked sheepishly.

"About 20 million dollars."

...Kakuzu fainted...

---

A/N: you're lucky i actually finnished a chapter. Highschool is hell, try not to get flamed. But anywho, I need ideas for the next chapter so please gimme some!!!!!!!!!!!


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